August 22
...serving up your daily dish.
Reports from the Montclair Watercooler suggest that raccoon sightings might be gaining on deer in Baristaville. Particularly of concern are the crazy, drunken raccoons that act out in an inebriated stupor. What wildlife have you seen of late and did they look as if they had a few too many? I saw a possum moseying down a lawn on Cooper Ave that looked as if he was stumbling, but I think that's the animal's normal gait. Meanwhile, things could be worse...
While visiting family in New Delhi, my niece caught this angry monkey growling through the window at a house cat from an outside staircase.
Seeing "drunk and disorderly" raccoons in broad daylight is NOT a good thing. Keep your distance. They are most likely rabid.
Posted by: Miss Martta | Aug 22, 2005 9:17:04 AM
Hey Conan,
Speaking of drinking and debauchery...when are you gonna publish your recipe for the 'baristarita' Make mine no salt.
Posted by: frosty | Aug 22, 2005 9:51:15 AM
Wow!
Things must be really slow in b-ville....looks like we need another random bag check or candlelight vigil to spice things up.....not that no major news is a bad thing but wow......
Posted by: wow | Aug 22, 2005 10:10:55 AM
Re: Baristarita
State Street Pete suggested Tequila, Triple Sec, lime juice, and three parts snark - but the guy at Buy Rite had not heard of "Creme de Snark."
I need to do more research: I thought I had it on about the fifteenth attempt this past weekend, but I can't read my notes. I will be at New England Culinary Institute next weekend - I will confer with their beverage guru and we will come up with something...
Posted by: conan the grammarian | Aug 22, 2005 11:25:41 AM
May I respectfully suggest that you simply mix akvavit with a little blood orange juice? You'll thus taste the wryness even as many will comment on and approve of the reassuringly "pinkish" tinge? (And now that I really think about it), it sounds pretty interesting.)
It can also be diluted with water for the more-conservative-than-he'd like-to-admit likes of walleroo.
Posted by: cathar | Aug 22, 2005 12:03:39 PM
After your stay at the New England Culinary Institute concocting the new 'baristarita', you can accompany it with the ever present New England favorite: 'cow chip compote'. Ah, those liberals are used to shoveling the sh**...sorry, I couldn't resist.
Posted by: Frosty | Aug 22, 2005 1:28:53 PM
But Conan, you can't buy snark, you must make it yourself.
Even though my last few batches were kinda lame I too will keep trying, as I'm told snarkiness increases with age.
Posted by: State Street Pete | Aug 22, 2005 2:54:55 PM
On the Baristarita - I think I have it...
"La Baristarita"
(Based on a bon mot by Miss Martta and a suggestion from State Street Pete. Soon to be a Major Motion Picture.)
Ingredients:
1 industrial-strength Briggs and Stratton Blender – we are not taking prisoners, here.
2 ounces of Grand Marnier Centennial – because nothing is too good for Baristavillians. Those of you more economically-minded may substitute Triple Sec.
6 ounces of every-day Tequila. If you are not on a budget, substitute Herra Durra Añejo, Sauza Hornitos, or the premium Tequila of your choice.
2 ounces of Everclear 180-proof grain alcohol (Essence de Snark). If you wimp out on this, add 2 more ounces of Tequila.
1 small can of Minute Maid frozen lime juice, thawed (why squeeze when you can open?).
2 ounces of simple syrup (or 2 tsp. bar sugar) – we are all tart enough.
2 tbs. Key Lime Curd (available at www.stonewallkitchen.com and probably at Whole Foods, if you grovel enough).
Cracked ice (preferably made from Mountain Valley Spring water).
Splash of Passion Fruit nectar (we may not always agree, but we are never – ever – bland).
Rind of White Rhinoceros to garnish. The hell with the tree huggers.
Method:
Mix the tequila, orange liqueur, optional Everclear, thawed lime juice, sugar/syrup, and Key Lime Curd in the blender at low speed for 10-15 seconds to combine.
Add cracked ice and turn blender to “Annihilate” until motor begins to smoke – about 30 seconds.
Strain through a $300 colander into crystal Margarita “birdbath” glasses.
Swirl in Passion Fruit syrup, and garnish with Rhino Hide.
Yield:
Of course. Don’t be ridiculous.
Posted by: conan the grammarian | Aug 22, 2005 3:50:08 PM
