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July  17

Mom! What’s His Name is on the Phone!

Dont_askAs if being single and dating wasn't enough of a challenge, try being a single and dating parent. Even worse, try being a single & dating parent of a teenager.

There is nothing quite so humbling as getting ready for a date while The Teen observes. “Mom, where did you get that lipstick? It looks really ‘80s” or “Mom, those earrings make your earlobes look really long” or “Mom, those pants look a little small on you- maybe you should wear the ones with the elastic waist.”

This from someone who wears jeans with a half-inch long zipper.

What is truly weird is having your own child quiz you about what time they can expect you home. And then there is the big moment when they actually meet Mr. Potential. I had been dating “Ed” for a few weeks, and I invited him over for dinner. After he left, I asked The Teen what she thought. Well, he’s kinda quiet, she said.

Actually, she was dead on. I had been wondering why things weren’t quite clicking with “Ed”, even though he was incredibly active, fairly attractive and he seemed to like me. He WAS quiet. I’m a talker. I need someone who isn’t stuck for an answer after Hello. It took The Teen exactly one evening to figure him out.

Still, no matter what she says, I’m not getting rid of that 80’s lipstick. Everything comes back in style eventually.

July 17, 2005 in Don't Ask: Dating in Baristaville | Permalink


I had the same wise observation 17 years ago from my, then, teenage daughter about a man I was dating. I ignored her and have paid a big price.

They're smarter than we think!

Good luck.....

Posted by: wish I'd listened | Jul 18, 2005 8:17:54 AM

why would you introduce your kids to someone you "weren’t quite clicking" with? that seems like a significant relationship step to me, but then again i don't have kids.

Posted by: janine | Jul 18, 2005 10:43:10 AM

Did 'Ed' bring anything over to contribute to the dinner? And did he call your child 'Sport' or 'Li'l Missy?' This is what we need to know.

Posted by: Shabe | Jul 18, 2005 10:56:02 AM

This gets to a pet theory of mine, namely, that we would each be better off if we had somebody else run our lives. Haven't you ever seen a friend botch an important life decision, knowing the whole time it was going to turn out badly? And in the aftermath of one of your own disastrous life choices, haven't you ever heard a friend say, "I knew it wasn't going to work out--it was his criminal record that gave it away." The reason we all screw up so much is because our judgement is clouded by false hopes. But it's much easier for a disinteresteed (well, maybe not entirely disinterested) third party to see costs and benefits without all that emotion fogging things up. So here's a proposal, Pam: put somebody else in charge of your love life. Sort of like an agent.

Should your love-agent be your daughter? Should you bring you bring her on the first date? I haven't thought all this through.

Obviously, though, there's a huge untapped business potential here for some ambitious psychotherapist type. I hereby offer this business proposal to whomever wants it. All I ask is 10 percent of the gross.

Posted by: walleroo | Jul 18, 2005 1:26:37 PM

Doesn't Serge The Concierge do this?

Posted by: Shabe | Jul 18, 2005 3:02:24 PM

The only problem, walleroo, is that folks, when blinded by infatuation, don't WANT to listen to reason. I've given up on trying to tactfully tell friends stuff like, "No, you should NOT get pregnant with the child of a guy whose wife died 5 months ago." People just have to make their own mistakes.

Posted by: latebloomer | Jul 18, 2005 9:26:09 PM

Walleroo - you can be my agent...

Shabe - Your comments sound a tad snarky but yes, "Ed" did bring some wine. And no, he did not call my kids by any witty moniker.

Janine - Frankly, she was curious about him as she knew we'd been dating for several weeks. I think it would be more strange to try and 'hide' someone you were seeing frequently.

Latebloomer has it right. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

Posted by: Pam | Jul 18, 2005 10:13:09 PM

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