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July  24

A Lot Of Style, But No Dates...

Unlike my dating life, the rest of the dating world has gone into hyperdrive. Witness the new ABC dating program “Hooking Up


This 'almost reality' show follows a dozen single NYC women navigating the cyber dating universe. One has to wonder how an ad exec for Viagra (one of the women profiled) would ever have trouble finding a date, but there you are. Everyone has their own dating style. Busy, career types have something called speed dating, which has nothing to do with drugs. Rather, you meet 20 people in eight minutes and hope to score at least one phone number. Presumably, the second date lasts a bit longer.

Teenagers have a pack mentality and date in groups. Large groups. I think the last time my daughter went on a movie "date," she met nine other kids at the theater. I guess there is safety in numbers.

My dating style, however, is suffering. A recent spate of work and family commitments have left me little extra time for dating. And frankly, what I’d really like right now is People magazine, a bag of chips and a half hour to myself. But I guess I should take a look at this dating site -- a well meaning friend just emailed me. Just don’t tell ROC.

July 24, 2005 in Don't Ask: Dating in Baristaville | Permalink


The personal ad I wrote in 1989 that landed me my husband started out "Another Republican President has just been elected, the holidays are long gone and the winter doldrums are upon us. . . " It went on about how, despite these depressing realities, I refused to get depressed, and was looking for a man who shared my interest in left-wing politics, along with many other qualities.

I would have definitely gone for a website like "Democratic Singles", had it existed then. I think your politics say a whole lot about your values, and compatibility in that area is crucial.

Posted by: latebloomer | Jul 24, 2005 9:55:45 AM

"I keep trying to tell her, without having to draw her a picture (if you know what I mean), but all she does is laugh."


Posted by: Right of Center™ | Jul 24, 2005 10:10:47 AM

I met my (liberal) husband online and he's a wonderful man who puts up with my antics, smiling all the way.

I completely agree with latebloomer. Although I have several Republican friends, I don't think that I would have been very successful marrying a Republican because I have such strong views to the contrary.

Then again, look at Mary Matalin and James Carville. I guess it's whatever works, works.

Posted by: NJF | Jul 24, 2005 10:15:50 AM

Hmm ... I wonder if being married to ROC is LOC's secret.

Posted by: Chris | Jul 24, 2005 10:21:30 AM

Mary Matalin and James Carville-- that's a hard one to figure out. When people are as dedicated to their viewpoints as those two, I wonder how they put aside their differences. It's not like rooting for different sports teams.

Posted by: latebloomer | Jul 24, 2005 11:28:44 AM

Well Pam,

I registered and did a little checking and I have a few hot prospects for you.

Mr. Midnight Ad'Oasis
Enjoys crochet, yarn crafts and the study of Native American footwear. "Like I'm totally looking for an old lady who's way into hair-yarn, totally."

Mr. Name Withheld
Enjoys sailing, cooking, preparing food, an occasional brandy, wine-tasting, gourmet meals, clambakes, fine beer, lobster (w/butter), setting the table, a few drinks now and then, and late night drives with that "special someone". "Daating con uh be uh quag-maya, so, uh, I doan always wan to uh necessarily cross that uh bridge..."

Mr. Noam DUmsky
Enjoys "working" with PVC, street theater and heading the "Support Defeatism In Iraq Committee" at Bluewave New Jersey. "I won't sleep until Chimpy McBushHitler and KKKarl Rove are brought up on War Crimes Charges at The Hague!"

Mr. Marret Gorrison
Enjoys counting, listing, recounting, maps, car measuring, enumerating, lawsuits, teeth grinding, aspersion casting, counting, foil hat making, and remeasuring the size of cars. "I won't sleep until Chimpy McRemsenPlofker is brought up on ethics charges at The Hague!"

*the above was satire, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; accept no substitutes; for a limited time only; this offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse.

Posted by: Right of Center™ | Jul 24, 2005 11:33:42 AM

Very funny, ROC!

I dunno. Just because a person shares the same political leaning with another is no guarantee of compatibility in other areas. Life, and love, are so much complicated than that. I mean, a person can be a card-carrying Dem, attend BluewaveNJ meetings, hate Bush, et cetera, but what if he is a horrible parent to his kids, kicks dogs (or cats), cheats at golf (or whatever)...you get the point.

Posted by: Miss Martta | Jul 24, 2005 12:02:48 PM

Absolutely, Miss M! There are MANY other factors that make for compatibility. The political thing, for me, would be a screener similar to the stipulation that someone will only marry within their religion. By no means does it guarantee a good fit, or a good person. But it does give somewhat of a clue about someone's way of looking at the world.

Posted by: latebloomer | Jul 24, 2005 1:01:22 PM

(Well Pam,
I registered and did a little checking and I have a few hot prospects for you.)

Too funny! But with choices like those, I'll take the bag of chips & People Mag option.

Posted by: Pam | Jul 24, 2005 4:48:04 PM

Speaking as someone who has dates with a Satanist, a Scientologist, a member of the Catholic Worker Movement, a Parsee, a medium and a UFO abductee (and not all at the same time) in his past, it's easiest to just can the politics. "Values" don't necessarily translate into politics, either. If you're going to have your relationship live or die by who's in the White House, man, but your social perimeters have been pulled in too far. If you like someone, just try and find some commonality for openers.

But don't go by the Matalin-Carville coupling, either. I can't even imagine those two kissing, let alone swiving, when they're alone together.

Posted by: cathar | Jul 24, 2005 6:23:48 PM


Thanks for yet another new Scrabble word, Cathar! :-)

Posted by: Miss Martta | Jul 24, 2005 9:58:21 PM

I'd never heard of that one, and I fancy myself somewhat well versed in the language. The Bard of Baristanet strikes again!

Pam, when it comes to the intersection of politics and dating, it helps to be "bi".

Posted by: walleroo | Jul 25, 2005 9:25:52 AM

Yes, I, too, had to look that up, in my Scrabble dictionary of all places. Can't WAIT to see the look on my opponents' faces when they challenge me on that one and have to look it up! :-)

Posted by: Miss Martta | Jul 25, 2005 9:32:02 AM

I've always felt like Mary Matalin and James Carville are both posers. Not that their marriage is a sham, but rather their public personnas. It's not just that they disagree politically, it's that they bitterly disagree, at least in public. Somehow, I'm guessing that political material doesn't matter as much to them personally as they want to portray themselves publically. Just one man's opinion.

Posted by: Shabe | Jul 25, 2005 11:03:52 AM

Shabe, that sounds like a very good assessment of a political marriage above, I never thought of it that way until your post. But I still woulodn't have a beer with either one.

Posted by: cathar | Jul 25, 2005 12:53:14 PM

And if some folks had to look up "swiving" above, I'm just going to assume that all you English majors out there somehow didn't read all the lesser 17th century Brit poets, for whom the word signifies very much the "done thing." (I also wanted to use something non-profane that didn't roll harshly off the tongue.)

Posted by: cathar | Jul 25, 2005 12:56:26 PM

How about "porking it up"? Has a certain poetic stink about it, n'est-ce pas?

Posted by: walleroo | Jul 25, 2005 1:04:05 PM

Walleroo, against your "poetic stink" above, such versifiers as Lovelace, Suckling, Crashaw, the Earl of Rochester, Vaughn and even Jonson all flee. Just not very far.

Posted by: cathar | Jul 25, 2005 2:06:31 PM

(Pam, when it comes to the intersection of politics and dating, it helps to be "bi".)

I do go both ways...when it comes to politics.

Even though I tend to lean toward the Democrats point of view, I dislike the extreme left as much as I dislike the extreme right.

A former BF of mine was a died-in-the- wool Republican, and our divergent political views had nada to do with the split...

Posted by: Pam | Jul 25, 2005 7:16:56 PM

"versifiers... flee"

from the poetic equivalent of passed gas.


Here's my advice, Pam. (And remember, I'm your agent.) Go to a local Republican do. Pick out some prospect and, at the appropriate time, begin making slightly disapproving noises (but only slightly--mustn't come across as a spy). That way, you'll stand out.

Posted by: walleroo | Jul 25, 2005 8:41:42 PM

Didn't a mildly salacious exchange between Pam and walleroo just disappear here? I'd returned to see where it was going, noted that, instead, it's gone. Do I sense the hand of censorship here?

Posted by: cathar | Jul 26, 2005 10:24:53 AM

No, that was in another thread, cathar--perhaps the one about London, because we talked about "body searches." (woof!) You're juggling too many conversations. You may be losing your mind, too, though here it would take months, perhaps years, to know for certain.

I find it interesting how you folks pounce on the smallest cyber-flirtation.
With such glee. Are you perhaps conservatives who are a tad repressed sexually? Perhaps you need to get out a little, relax, buy a condom.

Posted by: walleroo | Jul 26, 2005 10:59:39 AM

It's not me (or "you folks") you have to worry about "pouncing" on a cyber-flirtation, if that's what it was, walleroo, since I thought it was merely a show-offy post worthy of some joshing comment. But your spouse or partner if you have one.

She may not, however, be as bemused as I was. Perhaps you simply need to get out more with her. Relax, see a Mel Gibson or Chuck Norris movie. Go to a Middle Eastern restaurant in Paterson or Clifton and wonder which of the wait staff (and other diners) secretly wishes you dead. Have some fun.

Between this and last week when you brought up paddling out of the blue, honestly, however, I gasped. Gasped!! And gulped too! Just like the heroines always do in Mary Higgins Clark's novels.

As for losing my mind, however, well, in the face of so much daily, insistent leftism, what else would you have me do? Still, as Waylon Jennings sang, "I've Always Been Crazy, To Keep From Going Insane."

Posted by: cathar | Jul 26, 2005 2:07:51 PM

Oh, cathar, I'm just trying to have some harmless fun. I don't think my wife would give too hoots (or even one). Nor should she. Pam, on the other hand, has been noticably silent, so we (royal) shall hereby cease and desist. On the other hand, your enthusiasm is duly noted...

Posted by: walleroo | Jul 26, 2005 2:49:34 PM

(Pam, on the other hand, has been noticably silent, so we (royal) shall hereby cease and desist. On the other hand, your enthusiasm is duly noted...)

That's cuz I was actually out doing things today.

But not to worry. I'm at work now, so naturally I will be posting when I should be working...

And cathar... chillax as my teen son would say...it's all good, dude.

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