Barista is pleased to welcome Betty Albright to our fold for a new column called Betty Says. Betty is an internationally renowned expert on betiquette, which is an awful lot like etiquette, only bettier. She'll be joining us every other Sunday to share housekeeping tips, fashion manifestos and to answer all your betiquette questions.

Betty recently sat down with us for the following interview and, lovely thing that she is, she even brought home-made peanut butter cookies, our favorite. How did she know?

Barista: Of all the suburbs in the United States, why would you come to ours?
Betty: I am like a television angel. I go where I’m needed.
Barista: How do you like it so far?
Betty: Everyone has been so friendly! As I drive around town observing the speed limit and braking for crosswalks, people always toot their horns and wave to me in the cutest way, with their middle fingers raised.
Barista: Uh, okay. So what’s your first order of business?
Betty: Spring cleaning! Now’s the time. Dust, degerm, scrub, polish. DDSP. Simply remember the initials after your dentist’s name and add a P for pretty.
Barista: No rug beating?
Betty: That’s what vacuum cleaners are for! Do your cleaning as quickly and efficiently as possible so you can move on to the headier work of being a good neighbor.
Barista: We have good fences for that around here.
Betty: Oh, that won’t be necessary in my case. Speaking of which--it won’t be a problem to find a 4-bedroom Georgian with a big garden and a lap pool in the $300,000 range, right?

Have a question for Betty? Leave it in the comment section below. Maybe she'll answer in her next column.

April 10, 2005 in Betty Says | Permalink